This post was originally published on Defender Network
By Laura Onyeneho
Whether you’re newly engaged, fresh off the honeymoon, or a decade deep into “for better or worse,” one conversation many couples dread is the one about finances.
Who pays what? Should we split everything 50/50? Is a joint bank account a sign of trust or trouble? These are uncomfortable but necessary questions that every serious relationship must eventually face.
And it’s not just theory, research shows that financial conflict is one of the leading causes of divorce. So if you and your partner are tiptoeing around money issues, it may be time to stop dodging the hard talks and start building financial intimacy before the tension builds a wedge between you.
On a casual date night over a decade ago, Vincent and Ebony Powell did something most couples don’t do until they’re knee-deep in marriage—or never at all.
“We printed out our credit reports and went through them line by line,” Vincent recalled with a chuckle. “It was like, ‘If we’re going to do this, let’s be clear on what we’re getting into.’”
That candid moment laid the groundwork for a financial partnership rooted in honesty, teamwork, and long-term vision—an approach shaped by personal histories and generational examples. Ebony, who had been briefly married before, said she came into the relationship determined to put every card on the table—literally and financially.
“I just didn’t want to enter another relationship without full transparency,” she said. “And luckily, we both grew up with parents who modeled financial openness. That made it easier for us to emulate the same in our marriage.”
Today, after 12 years together, Ebony and Vincent’s philosophy involves joint effort and joint accounts.
“We always side-eye couples who split everything down the middle—his rent, her rent. That’s not us,” Ebony said. “We’re all in on everything.”
The Powells maintain a shared bank account for major household expenses, while allowing themselves individual accounts—primarily for gift-giving or surprise purchases. But there’s no hoarding, hidden funds, or financial secrecy.
“I just opened my first personal account in 10 years this February,” Vincent said. “And that was only so I could buy Ebony a birthday gift without her getting an alert from our shared Amazon account.”
Each can access the other’s passwords, accounts, and schedules.
“If something happens to me while traveling, I need to know Ebony has access to everything,” Vincent added. “It’s not about control, it’s about partnership.”
At one point, their financial unity was tested when Vincent got accepted into a competitive film program at the University of Southern California. With a demanding schedule that left no room for part-time work, Ebony, then a high school English teacher, shouldered the family’s income.
“It was a lot,” she said. “But we had the conversation upfront and agreed on the sacrifice. There was never a moment of resentment.”
After Vincent graduated, the couple returned to Houston. This time, Ebony took a break from the workforce. The roles reversed, but the commitment remained.
“We always reassess,” Ebony said. “We ask each other: What season are we in? Who needs to lead right now? Who needs to rest?”
Financial Advisor Bridgett Springer says couples who operate as financial partners, sharing both the wins and the weight tend to have more stability long-term.
Springer, who learned firsthand from her parents’ 48-year marriage, 46 years of which she says were spent arguing about money, vowed that she’d do things differently.
“They both worked, but the mindset was, ‘My money is my money.’ They never had a financial plan together,” she said. “In the Black community, especially in the past, we just didn’t talk about money like that.”
Before getting married, Springer got her financial house in order. That way, she knew what to look for and what questions to ask when serious love came into the picture.
“I told myself, I’m not arguing about money in my marriage. So I made sure I understood money, credit, savings, all of it,” she said. “That way, I could have real conversations with the man I was dating. Like, ‘What’s your credit score? What’s your debt? Are you financially responsible?’”
Springer also believes that couples, especially women, should be unafraid to protect what they’ve built before marriage. “Yes, we need to talk about prenups,” she said. “Not to be cold, but to be wise. Especially if you’re a business owner or have kids from a previous relationship. Protect what you’ve built.”
When it comes to red flags, Springer doesn’t mince words. “If every time you suggest doing something, there’s always a ‘budget issue’ or an excuse, pay attention,” she warned. “If they are frivolous spenders with no real effort, that might be telling.”
Neitra and Donald Rose, married for nearly eight years, approached their relationship with a mindset shaped by maturity and intention. When they tied the knot, they were both in their late 30s and early 40s, and they had already developed individual financial habits—Neitra had her own accounts, and Donald had his. Early in their courtship, they discussed money candidly, with Neitra initiating many of the conversations.
“Finances were extremely important to me, I brought it up early because I knew it could make or break a relationship.”
Neitra Rose
“Finances were extremely important to me,” she said. “I brought it up early because I knew it could make or break a relationship.”
Donald, a natural saver raised by his grandparents, and Neitra, who was taught money discipline by her single mother in Sunnyside, had similar financial values but different approaches. While Donald leaned toward strategic saving and long-term planning, Neitra preferred paying off debts immediately, even temporarily tightening the belt.
“We learned each other’s rhythms and built a plan around that,” Neitra said.
Their commitment to planning was literal. Once engaged, the couple drafted a five-year and eight-year plan detailing savings, credit improvement, and homeownership goals. Each year, they checked off accomplishments, raising credit scores, clearing debts, and eventually buying homes.
Still, they admit that one key lesson came later than they hoped and that was combining their finances. “We worked together but still did things separately,” said Donald. “If we had merged our funds earlier, we would’ve hit some milestones faster.”
The shift came during the COVID-19 pandemic, when new expenses—including two car purchases and a mortgage—forced them to reevaluate. They sought a financial advisor and began handling their money as one unit, rather than two individuals.
“It’s not that we were behind, but we definitely could have been further ahead,” Donald said.
